Saturday night...

The soccer matches over...., blasting class95..., thunderstorm raging n howling outside..., hot instant noodles at my table..., going through friend's blogs....

Ah... taking a break from studies again...

It's gonna be a long night, so i'm eating again. Decided to start eating my stock of food on a more regular basis since I realise I'm running out of money and the money is actually in the form of food in my shelves.

The match earlier wasn't really important anymore, first time i didn't bother about Liverpool losing it. But heck it, my ecology notes are more important.

Eating noodles and reading blogs now. Kinda feels like a bedtime story eh? Hopefully I dun sleep after this. So decided to post as well.

Splash n Dash, the people in F1 use this for a quick pitstop to add just enough fuel for the last few laps. Just finished 2 papers with 2 more to go, the hardest part is over. Now is to cruise to victory and not falter. Went home after my 2 papers to "refuel" and settle a few stuffs. Basically stay at home for like less than 24 hours, but it kinda screwed my bio clock for the day but now it's ok liao. Just that I lost a day of studying. Shouldn't be a prob. Everything back on schedule, now to go ahead of it.

Was reading a friend's blog when he wrote something that I really have to agree with.

"Yup... I'm graduating!! Somehow, I feel a bit disappointed I couldn't do my Hons.. but then again... Life in NUS has gotten so stuffy and mundane and well... meaningless... in a way, I guess I'm not cut out to sit in a lab and do research... at least not here where the honours projects don't really interest me... Thinking back, there are a lot of things I gave up, or rather, should have done, but didn't... cos my priorities lay elsewhere... but I dun really regret those decisions... After all... everything's helped me put my path in perspective..."
"I was never really one to follow the crowd... in fact, come to think of it, I only wanted to do Hons cos most of my friends said they were doing, and of course, there's the money issue... Hons = extra money... lol.."
"But now... I find happiness in other things..."

In the beginning when I entered life sci, I was like just pass, get the degree then off to post grad medicine. Then things changed along the way. I fell in love with biology and saw my passion in it. I thought about doing Hons cos it was like the only path to further ur studies in S'pore. But it wasn't likely in my case. Then how to succeed? And just as he said, along the way, priorities laid elsewhere, and things changed my perspective. I still want to go the field of nature and biology, but I believe that there's more niches out there waiting for me to explore. It's just a matter of diving into the deep end of the pool. Enough of wading in the shallow end of it, it's time to take the float of and float myself.

I had a dream analyzed by a friend of mine, and it turned out positive cos it was like a nightmare for me. But it kinda ring true in my context. But oh well, it's just like reading a horoscope, don't take it for real and wait for the good things to happen, you gotta make those good things happen.

Okiez, the rain has past, my noodles all eaten up. Time to hit the books again.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

Something to keep you guys occupied.

"The Girls I Have Dated"
It's quite a pretty long list, so take your time. Crappy, but sometimes, I think it applies on certain levels.

I think when I start dating, I'll come back one day and think if any I've dated fitted those profiles. Hehe...

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE.

I don't know why, but i have only slept like 4 hours in the past 24 hours. But it doesn't amount to 20 hours of studying. I still don't feel sleepy. Maybe it's a sign. I should be studying rather than blogging. But then again, I've reached a point where reading anymore stuff just doesn't make any sense.

It's that point where you just feel like telling the examiners to just bring it on, and not care in the world what comes in the way. Like how 300 men stood against a million, you feel it doesn't mean anything anymore. To die in battle would be glorious. Then reality hits you in the face, the cap u see on the wall was your own doing. And dying again in glory would just make it worse. Time to start practicing the past year questions or hitting the forum. Time to compile your own notes and remember what was penned. The 300 didn't go into battle knowing they would die, they went into battle prepared to bring others with them to death. Oh well, I should be going into the exam hall prepared for anything, or at least spot some questions.

I think it's the point where there's too much stuff in my head and I just need to cool it off a little. Maybe it's the saturday feeling. Maybe it's the insomnia. Should bore myself to sleep with a chapter from my textbook.

What stopped my 4 hour sleep from being extended in the first place was actually a nightmare. I got quite freaked out that I couldn't get back to sleep. Well, I dreamt that it was late at night and the last buses were leaving. I took the wrong bus and ended up in a foreign place. The only way left was to take the cab back home. While lost in the foreign place, someone psycho-ed me to take the cab, but i knew i was short of money. In short, by the time i got into the cab with the person, i knew i was being ripped off. It was kinda like the experience i got when i was in shenzhen when cab drivers were offering you their services and you couldn't trust the prices they were quoting. At that point I just woke up. Man the scenario was scary.

Somehow, I think the dream was trying to tell me something. I should get a car. I should get more money. And maybe indirectly telling me to get a girl. Sheesh, maybe it's these thoughts that's been bothering me for a while. Kinda hits you when u realise that you're gonna graduate and face all these problems head on. But first, put these aside, gotta concentrate on the exams first.

For now, I'll call it a day and catch up on sleep. Another day of mugging beckons.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

I was taking a break from studying when I decided to pay a visit to all the blogs in my bookmarks. And boy was it a lot. And so it inspired me to write one as well.

I know I haven't been writing regularly, mainly just occupied with my other stuff. But sometimes, I wonder at the back of my head whether the words I write would one day come back n haunt me. But after reading a few of my friends blogs, I begin to realise it doesn't really matter. And come to think of it, I've been writing in such complex text that even my best friends can't decipher it. So maybe I should tone done abit, and maybe open up my feelings more. Which comes to my next part...

Reading week is almost over. I'm more or less have gone into a regular routine. Sleeping in the day, waking up for lunch n sleeping till dinner, before going the long stretch of night, and being distracted now n then. I've the momentum going, it's just not going fast enough. Alright, after this post, should try to finish my evolution notes.

As usual, I've been sorting out stuff here n there, trying to find the right mood and environment to study, and i think i have done it. I manage to get class95 streaming without any lag. It's been months since I heard love songs at night. And the feeling is just great to heard smooth, relaxing music at night. If not for this, I was actually thinking of bringing a radio to hall.

I guess all this while, maybe it was the music, the right music, that was missing in my life this sem. Cos there were times which I really felt lost and not sure what was wrong, and I was just wasting most of the time away. Of course along the way, I tried to sort stuff which I'm been trying to sort since god knows when. Even my itunes which has most of the songs from class95 didn't help. It was like not altogether there yet. So with the right music flowing through my earphones, I feel focus for the first time. No more distractions, just do it. The rest of the world will have to wait.

When I mean the rest of the world, it's the stuff waiting for me after the exams. As usual, there's isn't a good break for me after the exams. I wonder what I get myself into sometimes. The comms, the holiday commitments, planning the future, etc etc. There's also people to meet, which will have to wait.

As for people, as i read some of the blogs, i realise a few things. I haven't had a good talk to some of them for quite a while, I haven't been really going out and enjoying myself for quite a while. I've just been so self-contained this sem, it's not like me. Must be me thinking too much again. Or maybe it's the thing that's been bothering me for a long while.

I decided to do something when i was in HK, but till now, it's yet to be done. I still wonder if it's the right decision, as I didn't expect the situation to turn out this way. It's long story, but long story short, this decision affected some things, and some how, I feel like i'm paying for it without even getting it done yet. But for now, it'll have to wait. And the holidays will remain unpredictable.

As for what it is i can't say. For it is something close to me and me alone. The agonising thing is not being able to share the problem with someone. If you think having major problems is bad, no being able to share them is worse.

So for now, I acknowledge to be a loner for the time being. My friends whom i have lost contact for a while, it is not me trying to distance from you or the work keeping us away, but rather i was trying to find myself, to see where i stand, and now, to mug for the exams. You might wonder about the people i mix with now, but you'll soon realise it was something i had to do. To put it in another way, it was neccessary.

With a better frame of mind now. Maybe this blog will get more attention.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

Oh I seriously need something like this now.
Voodoo knife holder

Well, it's into the middle of reading week and I haven't read much. Just don't really have the momentum to study. As usual, I'm still doing everything else besides studying. Beginning to realise how much stuff I have to preoccupy myself for the whole sem. Sigh...

Study first, worry later. Must burn both noon and midnight oil liaoz.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

It's been a long time. Way too long to be away...

Well, I've survived my 1 week assignment ordeal. Still in one piece. One more test and it's reading week. Time to hit the panic button.

A few changes will be on the way. Simple ones, nothing major. Dun be surprised.

Will be back.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE