Well, another year gone by. What comes around, goes around. Funny how things tend to come back full circle. I'm having the very same feeling I had exactly one year ago. Kinda feels like deja vu. Although painful at times, it can be a blessing in diguise, worth all the agony and frustration at the end of it all. This is one thing I can't elaborate here, for the secret is too precious.
Looking back, it's been quite eventful.What more can u ask in a year, half in army, half in Uni. The best n worst of both worlds. Maybe that's why this could be the year I lived life to the fullest. But I believe that it's my life that I control and right now it may seem the best, but the best has yet to come. You can count me on that.
I've got a few drafts to complete, so stay put here. The year has yet to end.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

Something off my chest in the spur of the moment. All I can say is the seeds are sown and they will grow. I'm not here to make or watch them grow, but to ensure that what was sown would not be reaped.

Fire and Ice
Wouldn't that be nice.
You'll be my fire,
burning my flame.
I'll be your ice,
cooling u down when the fire's too bright.

Sentosa was great. Should have more of these. But they come wif a privilege.

It's not easy getting everyone together, now that most of us have gone our separate ways and are busy with our own things and our own commitments. To think of it, it's now the effort we make to ensure that we can meet that's more important.
Hopefully New Year can meet again....

The time has come
I will sell my soul
My life is thrown away
Though my fire remains.

It will be that flame that will light the way
Keeping me strong and steadfast
Never wavering

It'll be this war that will light the flame
Burning confidently and bright
But it can also go in one swift blow
And my world will be in darkness

If this darkness comes
I will have to burn my soul, my life
To light my path ahead

And at the end of it all
I shall be spent
And my fire will never burn as bright as before
Never as strong as it was
But only a wavering light

Saw 2 movies for the price of one. How? With careful planning, my friend n me manage to stay on in the same cinema and catch the next show. Both shows were ok, so it was really worth the buck. I shall keep it a trade secret on how I pulled it off. It may even be an open secret, who knows?

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

Hell came down(or up) to Orchard Road. I'd call it Orchard Chaos. It was hell on earth, talk about a season of giving n forgiving. So ironic.
After midnight, me n my JC friends had a LAN Party. It was fun, first time doing it. Took us 2 hours just to set up, but the rewards were well, rewarding.

4.15am Ah, this is where the main bulk of the marathon will be. Don't think I can last all the way at this time, but I'll try.
In one week, everything can happen in your face and I mean it. A quick brief of the whole week would include - swim trg, swoc work session, blk comm stuff, blk christmas dinner, astro chalet, SH opening rehearsal and of course my frens returning from overseas.
Just thinking all this makes me tired liaoz...
Guess it's time to zzZZZzzzz...

I can't fight a war when I haven't won a battle.

Ok, here goes the marathon...

It was a sun, i had to cancel my other appoinments for this dinner. Otherwise, my grandma couldn't get her bday dinner. it was also overdue too. Anyway, we went to this popiah restaurant to have good old traditional popiah and of course standard chinese dishes. Thing was i had popiah in the afternoon at my maternal grandma's place, and now popiah again for dinner. What a coincidence. Thankfully the standard of the popiah was good and the second helping for dinner didn't put me off. I try to put up photos soon, so stay tuned...
Other than that, not much for now, on the next topic...

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

5.50pm - Few days since I last posted. Gonna start a post marathon for this cos got lots of things to say.
Here's a quick summary of what's to come...
1. Eating out for my grandma's bday.
2. Hall matters, big n small, from blk to hall to me.
3. Christmas celebrations
4. Some ppl to comment on..namely *cough *cough
5. Last but not least, my weird behaviour the last the days. (Really not myself)

Dunno, maybe it's stress, maybe I'm burning out, maybe it's jealousy, maybe is love sick. But lately I feel I need to change something but dunno what it is.
Can't there be a sign or a reminder what it is??

10.00pm - Feel like blogging, don't feel like blogging. Results due at 1pm tomorrow. Maybe I chop chop summarize everything in the morning before the shock and horror sets in.

I was talking to my friends a few days back about relationships and my so called experiences, when she popped up in my mind again. This time, I'm thinking of asking her for another chance, but it must be some crazy idea that was just waiting to burst at the back of my head. I even visualized it but I guess it's just an impossible dream. Be content with what you have, asking for more would have unforseen circumstances...

Hole in My Soul by Aerosmith
I'm down a one-way street
With a one-night stand,
With a one track mind
Out in no-man´s land
(The punishment sometimes don´t seem to fit the crime)

Yeah there´s a hole in my soul
But one thing I´ve learned
For every love letter written
There´s another burned
(So you tell me how it´s gonna be this time)

Is it over, Is it over´
Cause I'm blowin´ out the flame

*Take a walk outside your mind
Tell me how it feels to be
The one who turns the knife inside of me
Take a look and you will find there´s nothing there girl
Yeah I swear, I'm telling you girl yeah ´cause
There´s a hole im my soul that´s been killing me forever
It´s a place where a garden never grows
There´s a hole in my soul, yeah I should have known better´
Cause your love´s like a thorn without a rose

I'm as dry as a seven-year drought
I got dust for tears
And I'm all tapped out
(Sometimes I feel broken and can´t get fixed)

I know there´s been all kinds of shoes underneath your bed
Now I sleep with my boots on but you´re still in my head
(And something tells me this time I'm down to my last licks)

´Cause if it´s over, Then it´s over
And it´s driving me insane

*Chorus

If it´s over, It is over´
Cause I'm blowin´ out the flame

*Chorus

There she goes
There she goes again
Racing through my brain
And I just can't contain
This feeling that remains

There she goes
There she goes again
Pulsing through my veins
And I just can't contain
This feeling that remains

It's from Sixpence None The Richer. Kinda how I feel everytime I see her again. But still, my feelings have to be contained, never to see the light of day.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

Been a few days since I wrote, but it felt like weeks that so much has happened. Must have been all the thinking going on lately since I came back from Bintan. Guess it happens when you're now fully rejuvenated. Lots of thought through the days, some of which I've saved some phrases into my handphone.
Here they are and somewhat summarise wat I've been thinking...

-Would you sacrifice ur happiness 4 e greater gd of the hall.

-I'm one of the chosen few who went ahead n fell 4 u.

-Holding back the years... (this one's from a song)
Holding back the years
Thinking of the fear I've had so long
When somebody hears
Listen to the fear that's gone
Strangled by the wishes of pater
Hoping for the arms of mater
Get to me the sooner or later

Holding back the years
Chance for me to escape from all I've known
Holding back the tears
Cause nothing here has grown
I've wasted all my tears
Wasted all those years
And nothing had the chance to be good
Nothing ever could yeah

I'll keep holding on
I'll keep holding on
I'll keep holding on
I'll keep holding on
So tight

I've wasted all my tears
Wasted all of those years
And nothing had the chance to be good
Cause nothing ever could oh yeah

I'll keep holding on
I'll keep holding on
I'll keep holding on
I'll keep holding on
Holding, holding, holding

That's all I have today
It's all I have to say

-Promise (this one's mine own)
I can't write songs,
I can't sing,
I cannot cook,
I cannot do e house.
I won't promise you the world,
becos I can't,
But at the end of it all,
I know it's love that u want.

-And then there was another.

Yeah I know, very generalised, but that all for now. Be back for more...

SOME KNOW THE TRUTH.
WHILE OTHERS CAN'T FIND IT.

My friend locked his room, so I'm now stuck in another friend's room writing this. She's not around now, so I hope she doesn't mind. Had swimming in the morning, then it's straight to Hall Opening rehearsal. I haven't even bathe!! And now I'm like some lost wandering soul finding a place to rest in Sheares Hall.
Nothing much to say right now, feel exhausted to say anything anyway. I wanted to tell her the truth but guess she left me in the room myself and the radio on, with the computer the only entertainment. So sad right...all alone...
Thinking about the new year coming, realise that there's resolutions made this year to settle. Then again, I don't think there's time left to fulfil it. Rushing to get it done won't result in a nice product.
Remember the Bintan blog should be up soon, once I can get into the room to get my stuff. Gotta start uploading photos too... Have u seen my Jap trip?

There she was again,
I thought is was over,
but hope glittered in her eyes.
Hope so bright,
I can't resist, but I have to.
For the past will come to haunt me again.
Never disappearing,
but always waiting for my weakness to show.

Time is running out,
but I can never out run it.
Do I accept defeat?
Shall I live to fight another day?
Or must I die trying, knowing we'll never be the same again.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

Got back yesterday. Straightaway into the thick of hall action. These people don't even give you time to sit down and unpack. Maybe that's why I feel so zombiefied tonight. Everything is so routine. Do this do that, push harder, be more creative, do the same stuff again and again. We even started talking the same things all the time. I've come to realise that hall is just hall, it's like the whole universe is contained in it. Nobody talks about what happens outside already. Come on man, get a life. There's so much more out there.
Come to think of it, I feel like those americans living in the heart of US. Only know US news but nothing outside of it. Sad right. So sad.
As for Bintan, it was a good break for me. Never relaxed so much since Japan. I'll post it here another time once I'm done with it.
Another note, finally uploaded the Japan photos on my album. Go check it out. Been toying around with the quality and size of the photos, that's why it took me so long. Now that Day 1 is up, the rest should follow soon. The link is just on the right.

That's all for now. So sianz...

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

Started with anticipation,
excitement.
Happy jokes,
lame ones,
and corny ones too.
An objective in mind,
to have fun and enjoy.
But also to do what we're here for.
Then the rain came,
and washed all the enthusiasm away.
Gloom and sickness sets in.
The flu got worse,
I was drenched.
But lunch came to save the day.
Morale was up,
with videos and live singers.
Everything became positive again.
But a small whisper was all that was needed.
To bring some new info which I never knew.
(Or which I didn't want to know but knew there was)
I acted calm,
I shrugged it off.
But deep inside, my heart was cracking.
And everytime I learn something new,
the crack got bigger.
I was in denial,
maybe even all this while.
Although the day ended in victory,
my heart had lost a battle.
Picking the pieces up on the way home,
I pondered,
why am I always 1 step too late?
Maybe what they say was true,
but I always needed to be sure.
Never give up that's what I'll say,
Cos you'll get it some day.
I shall always stay positive,
and believe that the truth contends your heart.

TORN BETWEEN ANGER AND GRIEF

Wah, been busy with Hall stuff again. Trainings and meetings and all, I don't even get to go home, so poor thing. People already suffering from tiredness and some falling sick liao. Anyway, Still got stuff to tidy up and sort out so I would say much today.

I'LL BE BACK...

Damn, arranged a few appts and forgot there was something at that very time. Should have checked with my planner earlier rather than agree at the moment. Then today, had two activities, went one, the other was cancelled cos not many people went. Now, it's gonna clash with another one. Forgot to remind myself that with such a tight schedule, once one of them is postponed, everything will start the pile up just like a huge traffic accident.
So I had to spend like half an hour to do damge control before I stopped freaking out. Man! This is damn stress lor. Then tomorrow got swimming, hopefully it doesn't work my brain too much. At leat more on physical side which I really need to train up.

THE TRUTH IS OUT...

I'll keep this short cos I realise time is realli short and there's many things to do.
Zoukout was fantastic. Tomorrow the meetings and work sessions start. Not only that, you got preparation and post work to cover, so busy busy busy...
Other than that, think nothing much to mention. I'll try to describe zoukout when time comes.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

The days are getting longer, hopefully it stops at 2. Busy is the word and it's gonna flood my mind very soon. But at least it's good to be productive in the hols rather than throw it all away.
Anyway, stuff starting to pile up, keeping myself on my toes. Gotta go for now. Still got work to work on.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE.

(Class95 with chill-out, slow ballads)

Everything is starting to come together. Everything is starting to happen.

Just when you think you have everything almost covered something must come up. Somethings just can't go away...
Ok, maybe it's cos I asked for it, so now it's doing what it does best.

Anyway, i realise people are reading this blog more than the old one. And since I promised that this one is on elaboration, i shall elaborate more, cos I think i haven't been doing so lately. It might be a bore, but please bear with me. I'll try to be different. Oh and before i forget, my titles and poems and everything IN-between all have meanings, they aren't just there for fun. They're done in the mood of the moment, so sometimes they reflect how I actually feel rather than the tone of the actual blog. So keep a look out.

On to the main dish. Let's see, we start a few days back. Monday... no, let's start with weekend...
After watching De-lovely, Everybody Has Secrets and Shark Tale, I finally saw Incredibles. i was great!! It's so good I wouldn't mind watching it again. I finally went home during the weekend. It felt good being back home, nothing beats it. Also went Sitex, the computer exhibition. Bought 120gb ext hdd, think it'll last me for a long time. No cd-r for now.
Sun, went CHIJMES for the big match. Turned out to be a great win and made the trip all worth while. Gotta thank my friend for that. I didn't want to go out but she dragged me eventually, and for that I had no regrets. Thanks again.
Mon, was spent sleeping it away and talking how great the match was. Had a meeting in the evening to discuss some stuff. I really got distracted a bit, but held my composure. The rest of the days were spent at home until now where I'm back in hall.

I dunno why, but everytime I'm home I get this feeling that it's time I settled down but at the same time wanna go back hall and have fun. Then when I'm in hall I get the feeling of wanting to go home and how I can do things that I can't do in hall. Then today, when I return to hall the same thing came up again.
Everytime I go home or go back hall, the first thing I face is some problem or some issue which I have to address to, then I ask myself why did I go back in the first place. But hopefully I get to solve this bloody thing.

Watching Love Actually just now some how struck a chord in me. It made wanna fall in love again. It made me think twice about things. I think I need help, and I might know who to look for.

Is she everything I'm looking for?
Isn't there something missing?
Or am I blind to walkthrough the fog?
Blinded by foggy love.
Nothing is black or white, but in shades of grey.
Sometimes I see it all and turn away,
but something tells me take another look,
Cos she might not be here to stay.
Once she's gone, it's gone forever.
Never to see through the fog ever again.
But through crystal clear waters,
unable to enter the pool.

My mind is in a blur right now,
not knowing what to do,
not knowing why it's like this,
finding out why,
finding what's next.
And that what's grey will be black and white.