Haven't been here lately, been busy with stuff. Will update soon.

Gotta go...

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

Guess I really have to sort this out, but I realise something...
I would take an hour to check my emails,
an hour to read other people's blogs,
an hour to read up on all the forums,
an hour to update myself on the lastest news like trailers, liverpool, F1,
and another hour to blog.

That's like five hours loh. Finally the mystery of why I sleep at 5am is solved...

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

I really have to wait after midnight then I can really start work. Somehow I wasted the whole Saturday away at my laptop and sleeping. I was watching shows to clear space to dl more stuff, watched some tv, took a small nap and went out for dinner. I had told myself that the tests are coming on Thur and I should be starting like right here, right now, but then again, I'm doing everything else besides studying. It's like this huge inertia I have to overcome to start studying. Then again, I'm clearing this inertia the whole day.
I think I've really turned nocturnal, feeling lethargic when the sun's up, then wide awake when the sun sets, even more when the clock strikes 12.
Guess it's time to start work. Don't wanna waste it here anymore.
Before I forget, gotta leave a few comment on F1 here another time.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

The night before was draggy, with so many of appointments all cramming up. I had pushed all of them to Thur night as I wanted to focus on the SCRC meeting. Turned out to be hell unleashed, but I wasn't Constantine. Had to take the full brunt of it. Manage to damage control a bit, but it was really the first time I was really pissed off in Hall I must say. It was one incident where i had to ask someone to F*** off. Guess I lost it on that note. Still, there were bigger things to settle which made me do it. But that wasn't the issue.
Late into the night, my group finally settled down and started on our project. Decided to go full throttle the next day. After that, had a simple supper but drinks had alcohol which left me all red, but sober. Tried to watch Big Fish after that but couldn't finish it.
Next day started hectic, with nobody waking up for the grocery shopping my comm had to do. Then my friend came in asking for our Resident Fellow's number, saying someone had locked himself in and was afriad he might do something foolish. I refered him to out blk head. Never asked what happened or how it turned out, but I believe things are all right.
Grocery shopping was alright, except still feeling a slight bit of hangover from last night. The funny thing was how all of us had something on right after that and were rushing to end the shopping. Coming back, it was time to put my head down to come out with 1000 words in like 4 hours. Thankfully, I did. Even took 40 winks along the way. I would safely say that the project is 90% done, and we still have 2 weeks ahead of us. GREAT!
Right after that, I had to rush of for another meeting at city hall. We ended in some Jap restaurant in Millenia Walk. Surprisingly, the whole comm was present. The last time this happened was like 2 months ago. The missing person finally came. She had gone MIA of late and now our chair insisted that she come for this. She looked jaded, unlike her cheery old self which we knew. It felt like she was forced to come for this, and the interaction we had between us and her was totally different already. Her smile was just a fading memory of what she used to me. I guess she the one that's singled out. And so it dawned on me how every comm I had been in, there would be someone who would be off, who would seem like his/her absence wouldn't make a difference, like the weakest link just waiting to be eliminated. I never knew this would come, as all of us were quite united and going strong into the second sem. I guess the second sem always stretches us and puts us to the test as it was this sem that you truely see who is capable of pulling through. I'll look into that soon enough.
Moving on, we spent the rest of the night doing a bit of shopping before heading home. As only 2 of us stay in the east, we took the train back and spent some time talking. She seemed prettier today, with the hair pulled back, contacts and look so much more like a woman as compared to when you see her in school. We talked till my stop came, but it wasn't enough. I had actually wanted to ask how her friend, once close, had turned out this way. It would be sad to lose another friend for no reason, and I felt I could do something about it.
Things are changing, I can feel it. Looking back on that day I said it was the turning point. I guess the signs were all there and now I'm going through it. Time to hold onto the sails tightly or they may break when the storm worsens.

THE WORLD IS CHANGING,
I FEEL IT IN THE WATER,
I FEEL IT IN THE EARTH,
I SMELL IT IN THE AIR.
MUCH THAT ONCE WAS, IS LOST,
FOR NONE NOW LIVE WHO REMEMBER IT.

I've never felt so rejected before.
But I was strong and held back my tears.
All the hard work was nought.
But at least I tried.
Now I know how they feel,
and that there's a second try.
I'll never give up,
until I win their hearts.
-That's a spur of the moment.

3.06am
I guess it's been sometime since I really elaborate my day. Think this is the time. The day started early, at 7am, for breakfast. My lecture was at 10am, but it's either I wake up early or not wake up at all. I chose to wake up early. I'd rather sleep in the lecture than regret not going at all. I had only slept for 2 hours, with the previous night spent on finishing my homework and also sorting out my notes and playing my missions on Dune.
I thought I would be zombie-fied for the rest of the day due to lack of sleep, but it wasn't the case. After breakfast, I manage to complete a tutorial which is due on Monday just before heading off for the 10am lecture. Amazing huh? I was amazed by myself, and boy the feeling is awesome!
Bringing notes to the lecture, which is rare for me, I manage to keep awake for the first half. Caught forty winks in the second half which I really needed as it would be non-stop action till 4pm. The lecture ended very close to 12pm, which annoyed everyone, and the lecturer was rushing in the end.
I rushed to Arts, where my friend had asked me to attend a musical by the Christian fellowship. Actually, it was because I needed her to check through my homework, and for that she wanted me to go, so I went. If not for that, I wouldn't be there in the first place.
I was kinda reluctant to go for these kinda things as people have asked me to go before and I knew they wanted to convert me, or at least let me see the good in it. I knew the good faith it has on you, but deep down, there's still something stopping me. Anyway, as I started watching the musical, I was impressed especially with the lyrics and music. Actually, I felt it was even better than KR production. Maybe it's because the theme was something I could relate to which made me enjoy it. But one thing that caught me was the assurance and strength it gave me.
The previous night, someone was talking to me about my plans for next sem, and how I couldn't tell her my decision due to the situation I'm in right now. For the past few days, I've been dragging myself through the things I had to do. Althought the job is done, it was done without satisfaction, it was done just for the sake of doing it. And how I kept telling myself the final steps are just ahead and fight a bit more and it will all end. I had run out of energy and I'm on my reserves now, predicting I would just hit empty tank just when I cross the finishing line.
I was really feeling down but yet not showing it. And the conversation that night made it all the more obvious. Then somehow, this musical came at the right time. It gave me hope and strength to stand up and walk again. Like giving me a direction and putting my priorities right.
Somehow I'd like to think that God had planned all this, but I would insist it's coincidence.
Again, it was a good wake up call. A word of thanks to my friend. I didn't mean to rush to get out, but I had my homework to settle which was first in my head at that point.
Rushing out to grab lunch and then writeup my homework, I met another friend who was going the same class. I had a tough time explaining to the tutor I had to come for this and not my usual later class due to a meeting in hall which I can't change. The class was ok since I knew a few of the people before coming.
Later in the evening, the all important meeting came. I was expecting resistance, but it turned out differently. I had hoped the debate would be on the programme I had spent so much time on, but it wasn't. The old foggies had other ideas, and tried to put it across to us. My friend who attended it too with me said they must have had these view even before seeing us and it was their chance to air their voices regardless whatever programme I came up with. I would believe it to be true. I left the room shattered and shaken.
Spent the rest of the night blasting music, cleaning up the room. My dad came to fetch me later at night for home. Took a few things back too. Guess it's time to tidy up a little for the final battle.
And before the night could come to an end, a good friend of mine from the US came online. Was chatting while typing this. Been a long time since I met him online. Think today was indeed and seem to be a turning point for me.
Time to move on....

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE.

Things aren't really going too plan, but there's still half a week to go, so there's time to catch up. Early in the week, I've been feeling very drained, like there's no more energy left in me although I've rested the normal hours as usual. Maybe I really need a good break, but there's no more time left.
Can't talk much, got lotsa stuff to do.
Btw, spend sometime checking out my website CAREFULLY.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE.

I can't believe everything is in control. For the first time, I could pace and get things done. Things are finally turning out right. Feels good.
The only thing now is my health. My tummy wasn't feeling quite good since last night. Must have been the rich food I had over the weekend. I guess this could be the last time I'm indulging in myself, cos I wanna start training up again. It's time to get things going.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE.

So many posts in one day the last time I blogged, guess I decided to cool off a bit here for a while. Anyway, I'm back. Nothing much really happened. Here's a quick recap.
On Thur we played dodgeball in HAC games, our blk won the dodgeball competition. We were just good, too good for everyone. Later that night, went with my friend to queue overnight for the creative sale but a hundred over people were there before us and we gave up because only the first 50 got the special price.
On Friday, I had to rush out a proposal. Besides that, I had a long lab and astro after that, which didn't allowed me to meet with my fellow comm members. The meeting went smoothly, with a few issues raised which we need to look up. Also need to tiday up the proposal with details a bit.
Lab was boring, so was astro.
Saturday was spent resting in the day, had dinner with friends and shopped around bugis a little followed by catching soccer with the usual gang.
See, nothing much really. Been kinda aimless lately, hopefully I can find my direction soon.

Almost forgot. This is like a fantasy come true for me, check it out here.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

I've decided to start something, called Cut n Paste. Y? Cos as I read other people's blogs, they sometimes reflect what I'm thinking and I would agree or have thoughts of my own. Of course their identities would be hidden or changed, but thanks again to them who put their minds to blogging and complaining about life and what not. For the debut, I stumbled upon this on from a link, and it kinda rang a bell.

Saturday, March 12, 2005

It's dark under the waters.
Met an old friend for dinner today. While I'm in the mood for narrating my silly thoughts, I might well continue and finish it up. Never have I learnt so much about dark aura that was hanging in my previous work place. I used to work obliviously to the "ghosts"around me... Just a word to bear in mind and to forewarn all who are beginning to start their career.
A woman with power is a hideous WOLF in sheep's skin.
This woman is so manipulative, so pretentious, cunning and sly. Except that she doesn't work in pack. I could never imagine why a superior would be so keen to kick everyone out in her department. She had been promoted to Assistant Director recently. Don't want to jump into unsound conclusions from what AMQ told me. But I really want to forewarn everyone: she seems nice, nuturing and caring. But the truth is: she is back-stabbing each of them and creating internal turmoils so that she will be the only queen that stands out from the underwater kingdom.
Can't imagine all these while she was gossiping about one subordinate to one party and vice versa. It was for all combinations for all 6 of us working in that small department. 6P2 - Wow she managed 30 channels of back-stabbing. Your boss could be the very one putting you down and pressing you hard to the ground so that you would eventually be invited to leave on your accord. HOW superficially vicious.
That's what she has been doing: maintaining all powers to herself, stabbing each of them by the distorting truth to CEO, creating "undue" influences and negative internal competition, and putting them all down so that none of them would surface above the water. Competition between colleagues is also one sickening factor. Can you imagine one party going to the CEO to complain about unequal job opp and backstabbing the other party? It's really dark in the depths of the sea. She probably don't see the need for alliances at work. She really wants to stand out.
Woman with Power. How frightening. Glad amq has found a new job. She is now happier, I could see. Thank god I was a small fry and she didn't bother me earlier. Nevertheless, an important lesson learnt. Thank u amq.
posted by ____ at 4:06 AM

This was roughly what I had to do during my time in the army as a clerk, weaving stories and making sure everyone had their own version. It was fun and vicious, your friends aren't close, and you can't maintain it forever. The good thing was I could leave once my NS is over, and it made me all the more to complicate things and back-stab people. Of course, I did it for a reason. They took my life away, made me distant from my friends, stole quality time away from my family. All I had left then was myself and my room, a place which was my only sanctuary. I shan't say further, many should know how it feels.

Scrolling down, I saw another post which stirred me even more.

Friday, March 11, 2005

Last Rose
I'm supposed to be reading my 219 book but I'm awfully bored. Actually, it was troubled rather than bored. I have no solution to this puzzle. I need answers.

Was It Nothing At All by Michael Damian

Driving in the car
With the wind run through your hair
I reach for you now
But you're not there
It was perfect time
A perfect place for us to be
The nights were so warm
You were close to me
Was it nothing at all?
No more hope of holding your body in the moonlight
Did I fall in love for nothing?
No more hope of touching you feeling you by my side
Did I fall in love for nothing?
The music can play
As the sun started to fade
Our dream vacation
Was in my mind
Just the other day
I thought I heard you call my name
I wake up, she's gone
There's no one to blame
Was it nothing at all?
No more hope of holding your body in the moonlight
Did I fall in love for nothing?
No more hope of touching you feeling you by my side
Did I fall in love for nothing?
I tell you right away
I want you back into my life
But if you don't find the way
I would dream of you tonight
No more hope of holding your body in the moonlight
Did I fall in love for nothing?
No more hope of touching you feeling you by my side
Did I fall in love for nothing?
No more hope of holding your body in the moonlight
Did I fall in love for nothing?
No more hope of touching you feeling you by my side
Did I fall in love for nothing?
Just the other day
I thought I heard you call my name......
Was it nothing at all......
I wake up she's gone......

+ it was a something that has been troubling me for ages... i could sit all day at the beach just staring emptily into the borderless horizon.. or listen to g's advice. Yet the solution was obscure. I don't know how to handle it. It's about my special friend. I really need help. If things are as easy as it seems, I would have resolve it long ago.

1. Did I fall in love for nothing?
Nothing lasts forever but there are relationships which last forever. I don't know which mine is. My relationship with P was smooth sailing, no major events... It was a happy together, we seldom quarrel and we share the same hobby: talking rubbish. Maybe time has diluted everything. I don't even regard myself as being attached. I don't think about him and I only see him as an ordinary friend, although I wouldn't mind holding hands and occasional kisses. Put simply, it was somehow turning into a friendship. I enjoy seeing him once in two weeks and in fact, he is the only one I could talk to with my innermost voice. But the feeling just isn't there anymore. He is my best friend.

2. Why it couldn't persist?
I no longer have strong values against anything. People change. I'm open-minded and carefree. It's hard to justify why someone could be classified as your boyfriend when he seems equivalent to other friends around. That is, apart from holding hands, going out with him seems to be the same as going out alone with other guy friends alone. In fact, if my friend are open-minded enough, I wouldn't mind holding hands with them. And for goodness sake, holding hands doesn't mean anything. I'm not a traditional freak.

3. Fine without each other?
I think he also feels fine without me. We are kind of independent of each other. I'm next on his list and he is next on my list. Hm.

4. Does gratitude and solitude count?
The reason I hung on to everything despite my occasional thoughts about breaking up was most probably gratitude. How could I do something to hurt someone who has been giving me the most attention in the world? How could I ever forget the times he stood by me when life seems so down and the world just turns away from me? Which is more important: feelings or gratitude? Most importantly, how can I ever repay his kindness? The fortune teller once said that I could be destined to be alone in my old age....... probably. No one can stand my wierd temper and no one would be drawn to me other than him. Have i forgotten how hard we had managed to stay together despite our geographical, educational difference and disagreement by our friends and relatives?

5. Is hanging on a fair decision?
I'm always asking myself this. Should I take the scissors and end it? Am I wasting his youth, his life and his resources on me? Am I being selfish - considering benefits for myself? Would he be happier with someone else? He isn't young anymore. Is it fair to him that I sit at the edge of a yacht and wait for a luxury cruise to jump on? I really don't want to hold on but I couldn't bear to end it. Everytime I tried to put an end, I recall the above concerns. Tell me, how can I be so cold to someone who is always there for me?

There is no clear priority and weightage to each category of question. With opposing views and contrary thoughts, I just couldn't find a deciding factor and make a concrete decision on it. There are days I leaned towards hanging on and days which I just want to cut away the very lifeline. Should I end this relationship that is going nowhere?
posted by ___ at 5:32 AM

Again, it reminded me of a friend of mine who once had this problem. So reading it made all the more sense. I kinda realise the advice I gave wasn't good enough, and these questions would actually better answer them. And as for the rest, a lesson learnt and of course think about it. You'll never know when you'll be in that situation.
For the song, there were some parts that I'd really like to say, but somehow, I haven't the courage I once had.
"Just the other day
I thought I heard you call my name
I wake up, she's gone
There's no one to blame
Was it nothing at all?"

"I tell you right away
I want you back into my life
But if you don't find the way
I would dream of you tonight"
I still dream now and then, when I'm not that tired. Then again, I'm still clinging on to old memories.

THOUGHTS AND MORE THOUGHTS

It great to see the breakfast club up and running again. Amazing I manage to get up in the first place actually. Who's the breakfast club? We're a bunch of people who would plough themselves up from bed just to go down for breakfast, and usually it's only one of us that has the early 8am lecture. Well, the rest take their time and talk cock, that person would then rush off for lecture.
We used to have it quite often last sem, and this sem, it sort of died off as all of us were busy and were too tired to get up or didn't bother calling each other. Then again, all it takes is effort and lots of will power to get outta bed. At least this way, you'll have more time in the morning rather than waste it all away on sleeping.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

Finally, for once I can taste the finishing line. All the projects that I have created and embarked on are finally proceeding and reaching the end. Of course, some are dropped along the way, but for a better cause so that others can go on. It's almost done, so I mustn't give up. I have not come a long way only to see it stall again.

The only thing I haven't mention thus far was IHG swimming. Here's a few words for it.
I didn't blog about it mainly because that time I was really busy and had other things in my mind. But that day was rather significant to me as I was the first time I really competed in swimming. All the training sure paid off as I did my personal best. Along the training process, you could feel yourself actually getting fitter and healthier, which was good too, as I really needed it.
When the final day came, everything was focused on just one lap. It was make or break. We did everything by the book, followed all the rumoured superstitions, and prayed hard nothing went wrong. Stepping on the platform, I was kinda nervous, but you could hear your friends cheering you on, cheering things we could only understand and no one else. That was assuring. With their hopes behind me all the way, I did a quick thought process before counting the strokes and taking that final breathe, plunged into the pool. It wasn't hard concentrating, as we have done it often before, it was the will power of overcoming your physical fatigue that was harder. I had to tell myself 'almost there, almost there.' Looking up, I could see my teammates urging me on to the finishing, getting outta breathe was the last thing I need. I held on, knowing I can't let them down, and seconds later, I tapped the wall.
The rest is history...

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE.

Today, for the first time, I drove a lorry. Was helping DND transport some of the freebies in the goodie bags from the supplier back to hall. I was free that day, and they were quite deparate to find a driver. I took the lorry a few rounds around the Hall and it was good to go. Kinda nervous at first but then again, the manual drive was very similar to a car's, so it wasn't a problem.
Come to think of it, that day was quite tiring, having to drive around Singapore for the whole afternoon. Then again, I felt happy. Maybe it was the chance to get out of NUS and at least connect with the world again. Also the chance to drive again was good. It's been a long time since I last drove a vehicle, and a lorry was good enough. So although tiring, it was fun, enjoyable and well remembered.

Finally for the first time, there's nothing do to for a night in Sheares Hall. Well, at least for me, because I think there's a combined supper going on, but it's not us. Really, the first time in like one and a half sem, you could actually forsee and look forward to a free night of doing nothing. Of course then the time spent will now be on studying and catching up what you missed.
In actual fact I spent it sleeping early. Caught a few hours of sleep before waking up for the Champions League matches. But it was sleep that I needed the most. I rather sleep and rejuvenate and be more ready to absorb later rather than pull yourself through another chapter. So that's what I did. Feel much better now.

ONE SO RARE IT IS NOT TREASURED

The road continues. Had actually saved a draft but then lost everything just because of some stupid IE error. So now I'm trying to repeat myself again.
Why am I doing this? So that when I look back, I know how I felt and what happened.

It Isn't The Same As It Is Anymore
My blog started as something to keep a record of my thoughts instead of the usual description of my day. Thus the title elaboration.
One foolish night, thinking no one would check it out, I put it up on my msn. Actually hoping for more hits, I never realise that 50% of my msn are Shearites who would ask you about your blog. The rest they say, is history.
Slowly my blog evolved to satisfy what they wanted to hear, slowly it evolved to adding suspense, clues, beating around the bush to satisfy their voracious craving. It slowly turned to what they want to know and hear, and not what I was really thinking. It became to such a stage that I would consider what they would be reading and not what I was thinking or went through that day. This had to change, when the turning point came when I felt my life was getting too transparent. And I had to pile up lies upon lies and half truths to deceive everyone and paint a different perspective to different people. It had to stop.
I just hope I can get back to my good old blogging again, and get back my 'poems'. It's almost there and the feeling of seeing the finishing line is good.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

Great show, great crew, great perfomers, everything seem perfect! I still can't believe that we pulled it off. It was simply amazing how we manage to get together in such a short time. Everything was just finalised the night before, even the stage and all. The items were only confirmed the night before. Some didn't even manage to rehearse until like hours b4 the concert started.
Before the big night, things did really felt like falling apart, as mentioned by our blk head. But she was not to worry, because blk C is known to know how to put a show in front of others, especially to other blks. An it was true to the point. The whole blk shone like there were really 77 stars that very night.
That night, I was doing the lights and sounds with my crew. Minutes just before the show started, I was at the side of the stage with the mixer. All the C-towners were behind the stage behind the banner. You could feel and hear the excitement brewing behind, looking outwards from the stage, the hall was there watching. People were everywhere, at the seats, at the bridge, on the bridge, at the lobby looking over. It was like those shopping mall crowds that gather to see what's happening at the plaza below. You could see their expectant faces, waiting for a good show to start, and you're there just knowing that right behind you is your entire blk just waiting to show the hall what we're made of. It got me thinking, would any other blk do the same thing? I don't think so, I don't even think they have enough 'on' people to pull something that we can pull off.
The rest as they say, is history...

THE SHOW MUST GO ON...

4th March 2005. 3.03am
3rd March, 3rd Day, 3 Tests, 3 Posts.

What a coincidence isn't it. Finally got time to catch a breather and blog more here. There's more to come, but tonight is to stop and pick up the pieces and prepare fresh supplies to fight the next battle.
As for the road I treaded upon, lot is still unanswered. But now, all shall be answered right here, right now, in this entry. It'll be a long one, one which I can't finish in one night. So I'll constantly update it. No more new entries for now.

Glancing the time I started this entry, it registered 3.03am. How fateful can it be?

6th March 2005. 2.26am
Time to start catching up on my blog. Gimme a min while I read back what I need to elaborate....
Aahh... ok here goes. It quite a lot, but I think some things are still missing, but at least clearing the backlog begins. Hmm, let's see where to start??
OK, in no particular order...(i'll include the date don't worry, just go figure when)
Oh and by the way, a few rules. No names will ever be included, the most are abbrevations only.

The Storm Came & Went Part 2 (Sequel to Vday 2005)
(adjusting my laptop..) Let's start with this, cos it's the main thing so far.
After that day, we never talked for a few days. It was just that both of us were busy with our own stuff. After receiving some feedback, or none of it rather, I think it was time the truth had to be told.
Rewind a few days back, our comm was selling flowers for vday. She wanted to check with another comm member if I bought flowers for anyone, thinking she could find out if I liked anyone. That's because if u read my past blogs, I mentioned someone but not the name. But she had accidently messaged me about it. In reality, I didn't buy any flowers at all. As vday neared, I thought playing a prank on her might be a good idea, and wondered how she would react if that person was herself. So I thought about it for a while and went ahead with it, not thinking she might take it so seriously.
Foward back to 2 days after vday. I was kinda afraid the prank was going outta control, but now telling her the truth was the hard part. My friend who knew about this felt that she might feel I was playing with her feelings if I told her the truth. Another felt the truth had to be told. I was undecided on that Wed night. On Thur, I had only 3 hours to make or break.
Wed night, I was thinking to and fro the possibilities that might happen and how and what I had to do. The bottomline was, I didn't want a stupid prank kill a good friendship. I had almost lost one before, so I knew how precious it was to me. It was almost 3am plus, Thur was beckoning. Then like heaven sent, a third opinion came along in a form of a kind good friend. That opinion was what I needed to make my decision. I told him everything again from scratch.
This was what he said:
-buy her chocolate
-apologise empathetically
-just got to thick skin abit
-be a bit embarress never mind
-u were wrong but better to clear things up
-do it with a bit of humour to release some of the tension and embarressment
-never keep quiet
-the girl u like later hear abt it she also think twice abt the character u have
Well, he even help me how to explain the reason and all and how to put it across properly. I guess when it's comes to crunch time, you fumble on yourself.
So being prepared for everything, I caught some sleep, hoping that the best senario would work out.
D-day came, I rushed to check if she was around. Went to her room to talk to her. She said she knew all along I was joking, but still I clarified to make sure she knew what she said. I still have to make sure we're both thinking the same thing and not get the wrong idea across. Things rather went the same way as my friend predicted, so it was good. Thinking back, my friend was actually so spot on. Anyway, it was good the air was cleared, but from all this, I learnt a lot.
For the rest of the day, I was really relieved that she was alright. Spent the whole day thinking back how stupid it was and how it kinda came back to me instead.
Well, lessons learnt? A lot of them. Finally realise how much courage it takes to tell someone you like the person. Always knew u needed it, but now I know how much. Although it was just a joke, it's not easy to lie through you teeth. Second lesson, it takes a lot of effort to do things and to follow up on them. Made me emphasize the reason why I'm still single and more or less staying that way. Even if I wanna get one, I won't have time for it. Third, understand gals better how they feel and how they would react to such things. So in future, I'll be prepared to know what to do. So when that special gal comes along, I'll know what to do. Lastly, acting wasn't my cuppa tea, so maybe she played along and I was tricked myself to believe it. I thought she bought it, but in actual fact I was my bad acting. There were misunderstandings in between, but all is cleared now.
Guess it takes a joke on me to really find these thing out. At least it's better than finding it out from a real relationship. So I really have to thank all the people for putting up with me through all this crap, especially to you, the lady, and of course my friends who gave advice to me.
Moving on, you might wonder then who this person is instead if it's not her. Well, it's not just one person, but actually 2 that I mention often in my blogs. People who know me would know better who they are. But for the others, one's in hall and one's not.
The one that's not in hall, is the one I always look for when I look up into the sky at night. Why? Because I remember her through a constellation, and in doing so, when I see that constellation, I would be reminded of her and she would smile and look.
The one in hall, I shan't speak more because there's nothing to it really. The feeling has come and gone. She doesn't give me the same feeling that the former one gives me. That's why, although more distant, it's more worth fighting for. Thus I mentioned the herculean feat.

Any questions can be answered in the tagboard, which I believe are plenty.

A few more agendas.... but it's gettin late for now.

Well, this's gonna be short. Just saw Hitch, not bad. Interesting and light-hearted it is. Anyway, my first free Sat since my swim trg started, which was like WAY back in Oct. Have tons of plans ahead, hopfully get to settle some stuff by nightfall. This includes one of them. Well, time to start working again on my personal things. Before I forget, tagboard having probs again I think. Might change it soon.

OPPORTUNITY IS THE KEY

27/02/2005
A friend was talking about comm stuff and the people in it and this was what I thought. She was quite worried, I wasn't yet. I know what was to come in a few months time.

I live in eternal light,
no night, no day....
I sleep when i tire,
I work till i tire.
I eat to live,
not live to eat.

We always want the best,
but we must make do with what we have.
Our efforts can only go so far.
Have faith and things will turn out well.

So for you out there, believe and things will turn out well.

A friend sent me this site on my horoscope in the middle of the night when i was mugging like there's no tomorrow. So I quickly read a bit during one of my short breaks when I came across this. Cut and pasted into here and *poof*

'Cancerians have a retentive memory, particularly for emotionally laden events which they can recall in detail for years afterwards. they are strongly governed by childhood memories and since they live intensely in the past in memory and in the future in imagination, a chance meeting with someone for whom they had an unrequited love, even if they thought they had conquered the feeling, will easily rouse the emotion all over again.'

I sometimes get that, really. That's why my blog sometimes are quite stirring. So maybe they're right in this point.

SOMETIMES THE TRUTH HURTS MORE THAN NOT KNOWING THE TRUTH

Hours of studying,
3 tests, 3 hours,
only 2 hours of sleep.
All in a day.
Guess it's just another day at the office.

When you thought 4 exams in 2 days back to back was enough, try 3 mid-terms in a the middle of the busy week. Then later, doing sentry for the bazaar, followed by lab and then astro on Fri night. That will be almost 72 hours without sleep, or at least only 2 hours of sleep, from Wed morning to Fri night. (update: not doing sentry but still sleeping late).

Guess I've lived to see the light of day again.

'All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.'

Finally broke the 12 o'clock rule...
For the past few weeks, I would skip any lectures before 12pm because I couldn't wake up in time for it. But today, for the first time in weeks, I finally...
-woke up before the alarm rang, and stood awake.
-went to comm hall for breakfast. Just in time though.
-went to lecture with notes in hand.

Although I kept dozing off like for every 3 slides, today's achievement is really something for me. Hope it's the road back to recovery.

There's Light Beyond Dark Tunnel.

Sometimes the truth will be revealed even by not saying a word at all. I just saw it with my very own eyes today. Or in other words, heard the silent truth.

It was a thank you supper, where before the food were the speeches and prizes and thank yous. And how would you feel being invited to A THANK YOU SUPPER WITHOUT BEING THANKED. How's that for sportsmanship? I've nothing else to say...
People always complain when we're not around. When we are, they don't say a word. The most is a whisper to your ear and word of thanks, like so shy the world will look at you when you thanked me. Be proud of it, and give credit where it's due. Or forget about it.
Goes to show how appreciative SOME people are. Hope got chance to condemn them...

I thought of not posting for a few days, and there are drafts waiting to be posted. 3 test coming in a few days time, but this couldn't be kept down or held for long.

Back to studying...


I went to see the sky tonight,
hoping to have her in my sight.
I wanted to destress, relax.
To see the stars that light the night.

She was hard to see,
where the moon was there to be.
I looked harder and harder,
but small twinkles was all I get.

Like a silhouette in the night,
it was all I saw.
Not her face, not her hair,
blowing in the wind.